Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
why is half of my head shaved?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
