My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
