I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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