you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
