Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
