is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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