toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
