the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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