I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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