Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
