After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
