It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
