Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
