Soap is not a condiment
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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