I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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