I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
