Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you would pick up someone in the library
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
