A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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