i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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