my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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