There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
