That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
