WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
