If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
