Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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