pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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