Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
