I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
