peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Randomize
