When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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