My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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