what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize