If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
