if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
only if we run a train.
done.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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