What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
