dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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