Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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