Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
