glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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