Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
