If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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