I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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