You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
