woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
