I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
