Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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