Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
