I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
