your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
