All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
