i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
