I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
