I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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