He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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