i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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