you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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