1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
